While visiting my friend Trixie (name changed to protect the not-so-innocent) some of us ladies meandered through her bedroom to see if we could all fit in her bathtub (this is something full-grown women do... sometimes... right?). As we walked past her closet she launched herself in front it like a starving hyena guarding a piece of meat. So naturally I wanted to open it. After a short struggle and elbow to the face, I opened the closet door and saw what mystery lie beyond...
Hervé Villechaize stood just inside the door (ya know the little guy that played Tattoo on Fantasy Island?) with a Mai Tai in one hand and an abacus in the other. “Welcome to Fantasy Closet my friend” he said and shoved the Mai Tai in my hand. This is great! Wait… isn’t Hervé dead? Oh well, this Mai Tai tastes pretty good. Setting the abacus down Hervé escorted me through the closet… hey, why was he holding an abacus? "Drink more Mai Tai" Hervé said inside my head. Weird...
Unlike the closet to Narnia, this closet was filled with shelves. On the left the shelves were crowded with jars of pickles… only upon closer inspection, there weren’t pickles in the jar, but tiny Hervé’s! Just swimming around making fish-O’s with his lips… Hervé took the lid off one of the jars and sprinkled some fish food inside, and little fish- Hervé swam to the top gulping the food in and spitting little pieces out, only to eat it again… Gross… Hervé gestured to the other side of the closet where the shelves were filled with Justin Bieber dolls... all lined up from tallest to shortest... "Es muy guapo, eh?" Hervé asked... but I thought he was French? I nodded yes and I slowly backed towards the door... Hervé said "No! you cannot leave without a gift!" and he gestered with his hands towards the pickeled Hervé fish jars and then the Justin Bieber dolls while he wagged his eyebrows up and down. So I took one of the Hervé fish home and named him Pickle...
Okay, so she didn't let me in her closet... Trixie turned homicidal and threatened bodily harm instead.
So what do you do if a friend has a closet in her bedroom she will never let you open? You post the question on Facebook of course!
Some fabulous answers were:
• Whips, Chains, Swing
• A midget with a hamster wearing a headlamp
• Ball gag
• Zipper mask
• David Carradine
• Donkey
• Jumper cables
• Skeletons
• Rubber sheets
All fun answers, but what could be more fun than a closet full of Hervé Villechaize?
R.I.P. Herveervé Villechaize 1943-1993
